The top 10 indicators that you've joined a cheap HMO:

10. Annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. The tongue depressor tastes faintly of a fudgesicle.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. The only advisory listed under 'Preventive Care Tips' is "An apple a day..."

5. Your designated physician is wearing the double-knit pants you donated to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your old insurance, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m's" on them.

And the #1 sign you've joined a cheap HMO...

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

  

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